im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
