Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
