butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
