I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
