I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
