Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
