If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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