Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
