I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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