wanna go halves on a baby?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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