I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
