i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
