Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
