Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
