Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
