my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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