I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
