my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
