wanna go halves on a baby?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
