Can Purell be used as lube?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
