Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
