His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
