i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
