My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
