Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
