It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
