I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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