Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had sex on a roof
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
