just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
