Your face is a jimmy john
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
