I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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