if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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