This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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