and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
