I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
