Buhtt sex?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
