why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
