If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
