I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
