Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
