The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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