i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
