i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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