Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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