Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
