he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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