I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
