I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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