also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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