I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
