Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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