i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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