I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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