i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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