Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
