..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
